About
Abner Cornwallis here, head spokesman for Brown and Wooden. Brown and Wooden is a concept hatched from the bowels of extreme boredom and occupational misery. In early 2012, brothers Todd Fisk and Aaron Bernquist (somehow they managed to have different last names despite being fully related) joined the rest of the developed world in purchasing huge wooden smart phones. Both of them hated their jobs a great deal, probably to the point where real insanity was beginning to take hold. Prior to their belated discovery of text friendly mobile technology, the bland insanity (nicknamed “the disease” by Fisk) had little outlet except for frequent periodic phone calls to each other. The subjects of said phone calls varied extensively, but some common early themes included death of the hippocampus (water horse), the swordwash (a carwash in which swords are used rather than soap, water, etc.), the ham volcano (no one wants to know what that is), corn, ox milk, cassowary farms, bland frog propulsion, the rind horse, and many others.
The phone calls were neat…and fun, but now equipped with phones designed for texting, they had stumbled upon an extremely inconvenient and time consuming way to keep the discussion of rind horse, bland frog, et al. alive throughout the workday and into the evenings without actually having to trouble themselves with a brown phone conversation. Rather rapidly, these important discussions evolved into what is now commonly known as the CRABtext. A CRABtext is an extremely lengthy text (often from 300 to 500 words) that tells a story, promotes a product that may or may not exist but probably is nothing, explains a concept, makes a lists of items needed for some sort of operation or expedition, or does any, all, or none of these. Basically, it’s just a really long text that is useless. It can’t have worth, or else it’s not a CRABtext. The somewhat confusing moniker is derived from the saga of big brown crab, a huge killer Dungeness who terrorizes metropolitan areas with his titanic brown crab claws. Big brown crab (BBC) was a staple of the early discussion and lengthy text era, so it seemed fitting to name the texts CRABtexts, because having a name for them is vital.
Brown and Wooden is a test, an exercise in seeing what happens when the public (anyone unfortunate enough to stumble across this CRABblog) has access to the ruminations of Fisk and Bernquist. Likely nothing. Regardless, the afore mentioned ruminations are here now…so have them.
This is neat. And fun.
T.F.
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CRAB!!! Pants.
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I’m really pleased to see the seemingly forgotten rind horse and the sword wash mentioned in the above. Great work. I truly and sincerely look forward to future expressions!
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When I think abou hating my job, I think about smearing hand creme all over a manatee. Is that normal?
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I might waste a lot of time here.
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That’s good to hear! Because we watse a lot of time crafting these things and drawing stupid pictures!! Thanks for looking!!
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Thank you for liking my poem Truck Stop Tessie. I really enjoyed writing that this afternoon. I appreciate your approval.
Brent Kincaid, WordMusic.
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Sure thing!! It was a great read!
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Thank you for this delightfully perplexing introduction, for liking my latest entry, and for following my blog. I duly return the favor!
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Thank you for reading About Brown and Wooden! We appreciate your viewership!!
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Thank you for liking my poem Little Miss Tearful on WordMusic. I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my wooden soul.
Brent Kincaid
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You’re very welcome! We love wooden poems around here!!
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Sound like my kind of people, except I don’t text well enough to qualify. I’d do crap texts
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Lol craptext could be a new and exciting thing! We don’t text very well either; all CRABtexts are extraordinarily time consuming in addition to having no value! Thank you for stopping by!!
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Okay, now I really, really… REALLY wanna know what a ‘ham volcano’ is…
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Thank you for reading! And stay tuned! The ham volcano may be written about soon!!
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CRABtexts sound suspiciously like the email missives/missiles my three sisters and I bat back and forth over the internet. Natcherly, I feel quite at home here already. Especially as (and I know I’ve expressed this on my own blog from time to time) I acknowledge the Dungeness as the mightiest of all the crabs, no matter whom he terrorizes.
Cheers,
Kathryn
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Haha that is fantastic! Thank you for stopping by and I will be sure to check out your opinions on the Dungeness!
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[…] About […]
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Wow, are we different! When I escape the futility of my job I just fantasize about Unicorn farts and rainbow butterfly kittens, or on a really bad day the beach in all of it’s infinite glory. You’re weird (But I like it). LOL
Thanks for stopping by my page! I will make sure I take frequent journeys to yours!
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You’re very welcome, thank you for stopping by also! And yes! I am real weird! Probably demented.
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That’s OK. Me too. Keeps life entertaining.
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This is just what i was lookn for. Truly luv ur blogs mate!
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Fantastic mate!
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Thank you! More absurdity to come soon!
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