Eldon

by bernquist

It’s Eldon Blaxdell, professional hockey puck and sneer baron. Many decades ago there wasn’t a high demand for the services of a piece of puck meat like Eldon but the times they have changed.

Eldon lives in Snake, New Mexico. The Municipality of Snake is known for very little other than being the birthplace of Woodrow Wilson and four stroke engines. Legend has it young Woodrow also discovered fire here as a lad in the 19th century with the help of a rusty thermometer and a diabetic mule deer.

Eldon the hockey puck sneerman had always been fond of old Woodrow and enjoyed the folklore, the mystery, and wonder surrounding Woodrow’s youth and the nonexistent history and heritage of his hometown.

It was late in the off-season one year sometime and Woodrow had spent a great many months laying in the desert waiting to be shipped to somewhere with ice and hit with sticks. But it was during this time that he had discovered and read in its entirety “The Wealth of Bacons” by laureate pig man and author Adam Swinith.

Wealth of Bacons was a tragic tale of two pieces of crispy hog meat (brothers if you will) whom after sharing a common upbringing were separated from each other not only by diverging interests but also by the slaughter of their host pig.

One of the bacons ended up in a Kroger in Shreveport, while another was branded “potentially free range” and shipped to a Whole Foods in Diamgelo, California. It was from this Whole Foods that bacon number two was able to craft an empire in telemarketing for used vacuum cleaners. He also became exceedingly socialist.

The other bacon kept to himself and was eventually eaten by a fat guy.

Eldon thought this was a good book.

Because he was a hockey puck with a proclivity for a stage 7 sneer.

He would come to ponder the bacons in tremendous depth during the upcoming hockey campaign and these musings would alter his existence permanently in seasons to come.