The Best Food Product Ever

by bernquist

Greetings friends! It’s me Rod Bucksnare!! Who’s ready for another life altering product from Bucksnare International Limited?!

Everyone of course!! Bucksnare International Limited has brought you all of the most insanely useful and innovative innovations of the 21st century, including but by no means limited to: MinkMilk, the FIRE ELK, Bison Compactor Pro 4,000, the Wolverhouse, a dead camel, a box of toads, wolverine pajamas, some Valentine’s Day mantises, the Malt Liquor Cactus, and metal units of time!!

Of course there are thousands of others but who cares?!!

I don’t remember what this is about…Oh yeah! Sword Chips!

If you’re like most people a sack full of potato chips always leaves something to be desired upon completion. The chip user is often left feeling tired and hopeless as well as sick in addition to being depressed and having feelings of limited or zero value!

But now you can buy Sword Chips and your chips world will change for the…better?!

By all means, let me explain!

Sword Chips was invented by me in late April 2017 after countless minutes of research into what really makes a chip a chip.

After pouring through pages and pages of chip complaints on Reddit I reached an epiphany: What if a bag of chips could be combined with swords?!

I knew it was brilliant.

After 45 seconds of conversation with our many high profile investors, Bucksnare International Limited was able to procure 11 dollars in seed funding, and thus, the first bag of Sword Chips was born!

How do Sword Chips work?? It’s undeniably simple.

Buy the chips. Open the chips. Eat the swords!!

Sword chips are made of real metal which has been flavored in our laboratories with all the flavors you would expect from a Bucksnare product, including sriracha, almond praline, musk, sour cream and onion, BBQ, chaps, stained beach towel, cucumber algorithm, crocodile flakes, barbed wire, diesel, ranch, cheeseburger, elephant seal, orchid, tusk stump, molybdenum, nitrate, and falcon cheese.

Eating a metal sword that tastes like barbed wire is invigorating I tell you what!

When I eat Sword Chips I feel refreshed, like I could conquer the Ottomans with a rusty pelican!

I’ve noticed the positive effects of Sword Chips in every arena of my life.

Jamming my fat red face full of Sword Chips before a workout gives me the energy I need to get and stay yoked. Also, I love having the Sword Chips in the morning on my way to Bucksnare Headquarters because the magnesium fills me with boundless energy!

Users have complained about endless blood mouth with this product but that’s something we’re thinking about working on so don’t worry too much!

Some things you can do while eating Sword Chips: run marathons, fight a tiger, run for president, hit a golf ball 400 feet, flash fry a snake, set a manta ray on fire, eat a manta ray as a Sword Chip side, make a manta ray turn yellow, make him weep, capture Chase Blanchette the squirrel arsonist, blow up a Prius, calculate basic math problems, tusk stump, churn the eel butter, make the eel cheese, smoke crab henbane, exercise, throw darts, get exceptionally painful sriracha cuts to the mouth and face, and of course lay on the floor!

Now that you know how awesome Sword Chips are there’s no use in waiting! Get the Sword Chips today! Each bag is one and a half cents and can be purchased exclusively at the Pottery Barn! Go to the Pottery Barn immediately and get Sword Chips! It’s the cheapest thing they have!

Go now!!

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