Blood Tortuga

by bernquist

The Blood Tortuga is strong and resoundingly fierce. Not only does he eat everyone but he also kills everyone.

Blood Tortuga is 40 miles long. He is devastating.

Sometimes because he is 40 miles in length, he destroys multiple metropolises at the same time. Everyone fears Blood Tortuga. He weighs 70 million pounds.

Blood Tortuga was not always huge or hostile. He used to be a normal sized blood tortoise. But one day, when he was a young tortoise at Millard Fillmore School for the Amphibial Talented, he decided to eat some of Millard’s corn. Corn fresh from the wooden cob.

Now he is huge. And now he eats everyone. He is nine miles tall.

Blood Tortuga can be seen from outer space.

Time Magazine called him “The Hugest Tortoise Ever.” And because he does not wear pants, he is considered a danger to society. Also because he makes everyone die.

If you look at him he will walk on your face. And his resolve will be crushing.

Take pictures of him if you dare. Or set him on fire with a scalding hot flame pig.

Blood Tortuga thought about running for president but he decided not too because he’s not an utter imbecile.

He washes mountains with Windex. Mainly the Himalayas.

The End.