Put The MinkMilk In Your Mouth

by bernquist

What’s up crab people it’s your favorite billionaire spork marketer and elk tamer Rod Bucksnare! It has been a tremendous amount of time since Bucksnare International Ltd. has brought you any new, exciting, or otherwise incredibly useful products.

We’ve been busy looking for dead camels. But now we have a thing!

Introducing MinkMilk! What is MinkMilk?? It is milk. From a mink. And it is a mink. Who is milk. MinkMilk!

MinkMilk is an incredibly complex serum. Each vial (carton) is composed of one mink, an expertly crafted mink who is both mink and dairy!!

But Rod! How can a mink be milk?? That’s probably the question that stupid people might be asking right now. The answer is so obvious that I won’t even go into the explanation of how this is a thing! But there’s a lot of science involved! And engineering! And ingenuity! As well as genius! And hubris!

You can buy our MinkMilk at a lot of stores and stuff all over Western Australia and of course in Northern Canada! And tons of buffoons are in fact doing just that! Buying the MinkMilk. Drinking the mink. And suffering unimaginable consequences!!

Veruptous Ganberg of Nunavut had the following insights regarding his recent purchase of MinkMilk from the the Curco Talverones Pork Depot in Iqaluit:

“Yeah I bought some MinkMilk yeah I sure did. Thought it seemed like a fun and exciting milk innovation so I bought a gallon of MinkMilk and brought the little fella home. He was real agitated after I left him in the refrigerator for 79 hours. Opened up the fridge and poured him into my cereal and then he tried to eat my face! Stabbed his shockingly brown weasely milk talons right into my throat! I eventually succeeded in eating some of my MinkMilk Bran, and after dressing my neck, face, and internal injuries (which proved surprisingly difficult to dress), I gingerly placed the remainder of the mink back in the refrigerator and drove my mind-blowingly agile six cylinder octopus to my job! Which I hate!”

Veruptous Ganberg! What an ambassador for change! Let’s vote for him!

Anyway, get some MinkMilk because it’s great and it’ll tear your lips off, metaphorically of course! And actually!

MinkMilk! Put it in your face today!


No actual minks were harmed in the postulation of this product. However, many humans were harmed in its distribution and eventual imaginary attempted consumption. MinkMilk has been known to cause incredible pain as well as deep and unsightly lacerations. Drink at your own risk. Don’t worry about drinking responsibly. There is no known alcohol in MinkMilk.