Huge Brown Frog

by bernquist

Enter Huge Brown Frog. He is huge. He is brown. He does not wear pants. Well…sometimes he wears pants.

Huge Brown Frog has no remarkable qualities other than being huge and of course brown. He doesn’t kill anyone. He never eats anyone. He never does anything too particularly cool.

He enjoys eating toast and reading the Wall Street Journal. He is a Client Relations Associate for a world renowned pharmaceutical company (the name of which we cannot reveal for huge brown legal concerns).

Huge Brown Frog gets up around 5:30 most days and takes a cold shower in curdled fox milk. he dons his synthetic wool robe and some Eddie Bauer house slippers before frogging down a bowl of frosted mini wheats (note that this is not toast) whilst skimming the highlights from the latest edition of the Journal. He takes off his robe and slippers and does not put any clothes on before driving his 2013 Toyota Corolla LE to his workplace in downtown Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Around the office, no one pays much attention to Huge Brown Frog. He flies under the radar, but he isn’t totally unnoticed either. No one talks about him like “Oh yeah you mean that Huge Brown Frog who never talks to anyone and is awkward as all hell??” but no one ever says “Wow I saw emails from Huge Brown Frog from 1:30 a.m. last Saturday! What a stud!!” When people do discuss him it’s more like, “Oh yeah I put that on Huge Brown Frog’s desk this morning. It should be ready this afternoon sometime.”

He does his job. Nothing more. Nothing less. And at the end of the day he goes for a mediocre three mile frog jog. He likes to jog three to four times a week but a lot of the time he only makes it once or twice.

Thursdays he goes to trivia night at the Steakwater Corvus Pub three blocks from his three bedroom town home. He has a couple good friends whom he usually meets at Steakwater, and their trivia team as you may have guessed usually scores in the middle of the pack at night’s end. They never win. But they never get dead last either.

Huge Brown Frog never drinks much, but he’ll go out every once in a while and down a few brews with some buddies from college, though if he has more than three or four he feels it the next day in the form of slime-free cutaneous hangover.

Other facts about Huge Brown Frog: He loves Netflix. He has a Tinder account which he almost never logs into. He attended the University of Wisconsin earning a Business Degree in 2006. Sometimes he switches up his breakfast routine by eating huge black flies. Women hate him because he is a 300 lb. brown frog who drives a Corolla. And he’s pretty nice overall. Never really enrages anyone or makes them feel worthless.

The End.

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