Top 10 Ways To Get Through The Work Day Without Actually Doing Anything
10. Start the morning by attending an hour long meeting at which some managing director somewhere in the world tells you through a TV how awesome your company is doing.
9. Drink tons of water so you can go to the bathroom every twenty minutes (after meeting is over).
8. Open a complex spreadsheet on the shared drive and stare at it as if you are trying to figure something out.
7. Spend at least 30 minutes in the restroom when pooping.
6. Compose a very long and incoherent message to yourself in Outlook whilst displaying an air of urgency. Erase message. Repeat later in the day if necessary.
5. Hide your paper clip collection in your desk drawer so no one can see it. Then go to the supply room to rummage around for paper clips.
4. Pretend the copier is broken so you can walk slowly all the way to the other side of the office to use the other copier.
3. Open another complex spreadsheet and stare with even greater intent. Maybe even mumble whatever figures you see to yourself in a tone of questioning confusion.
2. Dress up in an eel costume and sprint around the office at top speed screaming (this may affect your bonus).
1. Email your supervisor at 5 a.m. and tell him you’ll be “working from home.”