Seahawks May Or May Not Have Been Aided By Invisible Vulture In NFC Championship

by bernquist

Football

These cheese sticks and this football were not involved in the making of Cheesehawk, but regardless, here they are for you to look at.

Earlier today, you probably didn’t see our tweet about constructing an actual Seahawk out of real cheese in recognition of the NFC Championship game between Green Bay and Seattle. Regardless, we began said construction just before the battle commenced and worked tirelessly on the formidable cheese bird for probably 3 to 7 minutes or so.

After the 1st quarter, when the Seahawks found themselves down 13 to zip we decided that to spice up this game, we should divert our efforts and abandon the Gruyèrebatross in favor of something that would potentially boost the team’s feeble initial performance.

Enter the invisible vultureback, a defensive/offensive powerhouse who uses his scavenger-like prowess to befuddle the competition and get the job done down the stretch! We could have gone with any sort of invisible animal to help the Seahawks out, but we chose vulture because that makes sense.

We spent a good portion of time drafting plans for the invisible flying beast, probably at least 10 minutes, and by the end of halftime with the help of the Bucksnare International team of chemical engineers we were ready to ship the rotting corpse devourer to Seattle for action. We did so via trebuchet from an unknown location somewhere in Canada, giving the monster avian a flight time of roughly 14 seconds.

It is unclear at what point Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll chose to enlist the help of our vulture creation (because it is invisible), but we believe he held out until sometime mid 4th quarter. Again we have no basis for this belief. It was immediately prior to the two minute warning that we think the invisible vulture may have done his best work.

Russell Wilson had just waltzed forth into the end zone for a huge wooden touchdown making it 19 to 14 after the extra point. Then it was Steven Hauschka’s turn to deliver a superb onside kick into the head of Packer’s tight end Brandon Bostick. According to us, invisible vulture swooped in and directed said kick into Bostick’s face instead of his hands. We don’t know why we think this is what happened but this is most likely what happened. We didn’t build this stupid death bird for no reason.

After that we’re pretty sure the vulture did nothing to help either team. Actually we don’t know where he is now because he somehow discarded our invisible vulture tracking device as he flew toward Puget Sound after the game. If you see this vulture (or sense his presence/hear him screaming rather), please let us know either here or on Twitter @brownandwooden where you think he might be. He is not dangerous but he does eat things that are dead and he is extremely lethal. Also we want to use him in the Super Bowl.

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