Happy Birthday To Us + 10 Reasons Your New Year’s Resolutions Will Fail

by bernquist

Hello everyone! You may not know this but today is the 1st birthday of Brown and Wooden! We can’t believe it’s been a full wooden year since we started doing this for some reason and we’d like to take this big brown opportunity to thank you for wasting your time here!!

And now, in homage to our very first post ever, 10 Signs It’s Time to Quit Your Job, we give you another list of 10 things: 10 Reasons Your New Year’s Resolutions Will Fail. Behold this list and use it as inspiration to prove us wrong, or accept it as wooden truth! Regardless of what you do, keep looking at Brown and Wooden for another year and thank you for all your wool support and barrels of ox milk (to all of you who have sent us the gift of ox milk)!!!!

10 Reasons Your New Year’s Resolutions Will Fail

10. You typically stay in your underwear or sleeping suit until 1:30 p.m.

9. You exercised once in 2004. Then you never exercised again.

8. Your favorite food is BBQ sauce.

7. You are addicted to rhinoceros tranquilizers.

6. Your New Year’s resolution has anything to do with sustainable weight loss.

5. Your body type can most aptly be described as “sperm whale.”

4. You start convulsing when the Internet is down.

3. You are a rabies ravaged yak.

2. You are married to a bipolar walrus.

1. Your number one coping mechanism in times of grave distress is cheese.