Everything is Ruined

by toddfisk

Well folks, as my brother has already told you, today is Brown and Wooden’s first anniversary! Special thanks go out to all the crabs, weirdos, wood boring insects, cheese people, and enraged hippocampi that have made this blog so unbelievably successful. We have faith that sometime in the near future you’ll all inexplicably siphon forth the entire contents of your bank accounts directly into ours! To mark this occasion, I decided that an additional top ten list would be really redundant and outrageously useless, so now I will do just that. Thanks again!

Top Ten Ways You Know Everything is Ruined

20. Your face melts.
19. A jackrabbit is your defense attorney.
18. “Dead Guy” is your favorite ice cream flavor.
17. Soap is no longer just a tasty snack
16. Your brother asks to borrow your blood.
15. Your commuter tricycle turns out to be a sperm whale.
14. Karl Hungus
13. No snails will date you.
12. You don’t know the difference between ten and twenty.
11. You weren’t hungry enough for desert, but that lava cake looks amazing.
10. Spotted dick.
9. Vampires hacked your Instagram and replaced all your photographs with blood.
8. The Obama administration
7. Your elk burger turns out to be toad meat.
6. Wolf milk prices are on the rise.
5. A hippocampus waves at you from the fourth floor balcony.
4. Anything to do with Broadway.
3. Your neighbor Mildred is screaming for more abalone.
2. No one likes your stupid blog.
1. You wake up and realize you are Todd Fisk!
Happy New Years Everyone!!!!!!