Happy December 26th!

by bernquist

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Ho Ho Ho! Aaron Bernquist here and boy is it a brown and wooden day! Many of you may be wondering why we at Brown and Wooden did not send out some sort of a huge ironbark Christmas greeting!! Conversely, many of you probably don’t care!

The truth is, our Brown and Wooden executives, writers, editors, staff, and janitorial team members have all been on a big brown 7 day holiday and we left a mammoth, extremely enraged, and excessively brown horse belonging to my colleague Todd Fisk’s next door neighbor in charge of all operations of the blog and Instagram accounts while we were all in Barbados having a jolly old rager of a time!

The horse came with credentials, impressive ones at that. Editor of the Hoboken Times, two-time Pulitzer Prize winning dish washer for a host of fast food chains, mixed martial artist extraordinaire who trained under the likes of Dan Inosanto for multiple days, maybe even a week, Governor of Canada, you name it, this horse had done it. Despite the fact that he kept the Brown and Wooden offices in Manhattan fairly clean over the last week, he failed to post any material, including our pre-written Christmas wishes post to all of you.

When I arrived at work this morning after a night of violent and acutely painful hatred sleep, I was shocked, positively flabbergasted to find the huge enraged brown horse, whom we will refer to as Joel, asleep in my office amidst a sea of chocolate syrup, Cheetos, and Jameson Irish whiskey (so I guess he didn’t really keep the office clean after all!!) Anyhow we fired him and threw him out our 54th floor window (myself and some of the guys who work at the financial services company on 55 did the throwing). After watching him bounce about in the street below for several seconds after impact, he headed due New Jersey at top speed.

Hopefully we’ve seen the last of him, and if we do ever see him again rest assured we will set him on fire!! So apologies for not wishing you a big old mahogany Christmas, but we hope you have a blessed and brown 26th and a tolerable New Year!!

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