Get Rich Quick!

by bernquist

Good evening everyone I am Rod Bucksnare! Might I interest you in a dead camel? Of course not! But what if I told you that these particular deceased Bactrians could make you money and lots of it? What if you, the grizzled customer, were able to use these cadaver flavored desert brutes to your monetary advantage and personal welfare?!

Impossible?! Not in the least! Many of my colleagues at Bucksnare International Limited have been making money via dead camel for years, and now, for a whole Queen Mary II full of cold blooded cash, you too can have this capability! Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Set up the dead camel of your choice (I like to use middle-aged Bactrians but any worthless Dromedary will work) in a locale where hoards of people—preferably strangers and business associates—can see him and see him clearly. You don’t have to dress the camel up but it never hurts to do so! I like to put my camels in jeans or a cape, but this very personal decision of course is entirely up to you!!

Step 2: Stand or sit nearby the dead camel in some sort of a booth by which passersby will be enticed to approach you and ask questions about the dead thing. I usually sit inside of a huge cardboard box full of trash.

Step 3: Make everybody look at him! Coercion is the time tested tactic here and you’d be well advised to take lessons in the art of solid oak blackmail! Tell the passing strangers that if they don’t look at the dead camel that they will face immediate ruin–socially, financially, or otherwise–and that there will be poop! If they don’t look at him after that then you threaten them with the sword wash or with blood horse!

Step 4: After they look at him, they’ll have no choice but to give you all of their money! No joke! They will stare at his water deprived carcass sometimes for only one minute to one second and be compelled to siphon all of their income directly into your bank account if you indeed have one of those! I keep most of my money inside of my huge cardboard trash box! You’ll be collecting a full year’s wages from complete strangers in no time once they look at his pants clad corpse in horror! It’s really very easy!

Those are all the steps. Where does one get a dead camel? From the desert of course! I generally make one trip per year by skateboard to the Sahara, where I procure a full year’s supply of camels in the early stages of decomposition. I bring them back home and use them sparingly! Each camel typically brings me the total salaries of about 3,500 people per six weeks of display. It’s a truly remarkable way to make a living!

Email me today at for more info and a free trial offer of one camel for use by you within seventeen business days! I look forward to watching what happens when people try this!! CRABSNAKE.

No camels were harmed in the formulation of this idea which is nothing.