Chap Sneed

by bernquist

Chap Sneed was all out of good fortune. Actually, he had never had any real good fortune to begin with. He liked to tell himself that he did, but he didn’t. Finding that five dollar bill in the couch cushions?? Sure, that was something, but his cousin Ossly had just pulled a one hundred dollar bill from the opposing cushion. And while Chap used his crust-laden Abe Lincoln crumple do buy a box of Ho Hos, Ossly was living it up in Canadia at the jolly brown age of 73! Chap thought to himself, “What about the time I was chomping down on a bowl of gravy by Flansecca’s pool when I found my free dental insurance? That was pretty cool and about as lucky as a guy could get!” But then he turned toward the mirror in the Arco station restroom where he presently was situated and remembered what he had tried to forget: he had no teeth!! The free dental had turned out to be not so great after all!

So yeah, his good fortune was always pretty non-existent. He’d been looking for some time; weeks, probably even years had gone by. He knew he was going to find it. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind. It was a question of when rather than if; of how his life would change and change for the better rather than if things would change. Call him an optimist. Although it is most definitely worth mentioning that his optimism waivered at times, and by at times I mean almost every day. It was hard out here, as well as not easy, difficult, trying, stressful, tough, BROWN, and taxing. Even Chap’s good days would be considered Hindenburg rivaling obstacles by most of the people; the people he walked by on the meridian every day, the portly masons who worked in the sky scrapers above his home, the team of feral sword frogs who kept him up at night…all of them. They’d all crack if they knew what he knew, every last one!!!

He was thinking about all  this awesome stuff when he saw the gem! There it was just sitting in a bowl of mud like a dead ox!! “Oooooohhhhhhh!!!!! Ooooohhhoohhohhhhhhahahahah!!!!!!” He cried in sheer elation!! “My spool!!!! My beautiful spool!!!!!!!!”