Brewery Observations

by toddfisk

I take a seat in the corner, where I can watch. I’m a casual observer, mostly unnoticed. The bulbs in the light fixture above me are burned out, apparently of little concern to the proprietors of this establishment. I’m sitting in a brewery, which as everyone knows, is a magnet for yuppies, hipsters, derelicts, snobs, blue collar grunts, weirdos, and damn near every other demographic you could think of. It’s a great place to people watch. Wow do I ever hate people. Just look at ’em.
The first guy I notice is to my left. He wears thick glasses and holds a glass of barley wine. He has a huge beard, easily big enough for four or five families of great horned owls to roost in. The most noticeable feature of this man however, is that every time someone walks by, in any direction, he feels the need to nod judiciously at them. I can tell no one likes it. It makes them uncomfortable. A few nod back awkwardly, but most immediately look away. Clearly he has no friends, and is weird and socially inept. Oh my gosh. He just told me “I have no friends.” I look at him, smile, and nod my head. The irony is unbelievable.
In the middle of the room is the lively bunch, mostly wayward twenty somethings existing on their parents’ wealth. They’re loud, and act drunk, even though the brewery limit is two pints. They have new clothes,
Great hair, and are discussing social networking, night classes, dating, and other useless crap.
In the door is now walking very possibly the largest man I have ever seen. He is easily 6 foot 8, and probably upwards of 375 lbs. he has a black and white Great Dane on a leash. Why would you bring that murderous brute in here? And the dog is probably dangerous too! Head nodder is now engaged in a lively conversation with some people who are talking to him out of sympathy, but the look in their eyes tells me they are desperately searching for the nearest exit.
A hipster stooge and his apparent girlfriend have now unceremoniously plopped down at my table. Great! And now their huge pregnant friend is joining them! Wonderful! And they have a dog! Everything’s ruined now. I smile and nod, trying to figure out how to leap up and flee this unexpected surge of humanity. Luckily, the tablenappers’ dog is now threatening to pick a fight with Giant Man’s Great Dane. The perfect distraction. They’re talking about politics. They’re also uninformed, ignorant morons. Time to leave.

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