10 Signs It’s Time to Quit Your Job

by bernquist

1. You frequently find yourself wondering whether being splattered on the asphalt 25 stories below would be better than sitting at your non-wooden desk.

2. You think about chopping off your own hands for an exciting change of pace.

3. Pooping is the best part of your workday.

4. You think about eating co-workers more than 55 percent of the time (proven threshold for problematic side-effects).

5. You invent a series of short stories about a serial killer loosely based on your own life.

6. You hate everything.

7. You legitimize your own uselessness by constantly comparing your intelligence to that of wild animals – typically hoofed.

8. One of the few things that can generally bring a smile to your face is the abstract concept of wearing a dead yak as pants.

9. You periodically stay up until 1:00 a.m. to make it seem like more time has transpired when you have to go to work in the morning (even though this practice makes you feel like a bag of curdled ox milk for the entirety of the following day).

10. You giggle like a small child when you see a live crab.